Happy Halloween!!!!

ScareCrow

I've been playing around with Adobe Illustrator and came up with this. For someone who doesn't have any artistic talent, Im pretty impressed. Im not crazy about the stem or the hands, but overall I think it looks kinda cool.

Folding Chairs Are Not Ladders!!!

Rachel and I witnessed something quite humorous over the weekend. I know it's sort of messed up, but you all know you would have laughed if you saw it too. The weather was really crappy, so we headed over to the mall. We were walking past Childrens Place, when something caught both of our eyes. We turned to see a woman walk hard into the glass in the front of the store. I guess it's a testament to how clean the glass at the store was, because she obviously thought she was walking through a doorway leading back outside. She hit so hard that she left a fog mark on the glass where her forehead hit.

It reminded me of a time when I was a kid. There were 4 of us walking to school. And we're all talking and suddenly I hear boyoyoying. One of the kids I was walking with walked headfirst into a stop sign. We were probably 9 or 10 at the time, so man was that funny.

The 2nd incident of the weekend, started bright and early Sunday morning. We were hoping to sleep in, until our smoke detector kept chirping to warn us of low battery. So after about an hour of the chirping, I couldnt take anymore. So I get out of bed and grab a folding chair from Rachels craft room. I position the chair under the smoke alarm and step up on the chair. Bad idea. I guess my weight wasnt evenly distributed, and the chair collapsed out from under me. Being half asleep yet, my reflexed werent quite there, but I did manage to land on my feet. But then my moment carried me forward and I collapsed. Which according to Rachel, happened in slow motion. Once I hit the ground, I rolled about 5 feet (which Rachel said was like the stop, drop and roll fire videos) before spring back to my feet. Rachel was nice and didnt laugh, as I changed the battery. But then I get back into bed and she rolls over, putting her back to me, and she practically hyperventilated she was laughing so hard.

George Carlin in '08?

Sometimes keeping the thinking simple is really the way to go. Here's George Carlin's take on what happened in New Orleans following hurricane Katrina.

"Been sitting here with my ass in a wad, wanting to speak out about thebullshit going on in New Orleans. For the people of New Orleans... First we would like to say, Sorry for your loss. With that said, Let's go through a few hurricane rules: (Unlike an earthquake, we know it's coming)

#1. A mandatory evacuation means just that...Get the hell out. Don't blame the Government after they tell you to go. If they hadn't saidanything, I can see the argument. They said get out... if you didn't, it's your fault, not theirs. (We don't want to hear it, even if you don't have a car, you can get out.)

#2. If there is an emergency, stock up on water and non-perishables. If you didn't do this, it's not the Government's fault you're starving.

#2a. If you run out of food and water, find a store that has some.(Remember, shoes, TV's, DVD's and CD's are not edible. Leave them alone.) #2b. If the local store has been looted of food or water, leave your neighbor's TV and stereo alone. (See #2a) They worked hard to get their stuff. Just because they were smart enough to leave during a mandatory evacuation, doesn't give you the right to take their stuff...it's theirs, not yours.

#3. If someone comes in to help you, don't shoot at them and then complain no one is helping you. I'm not getting shot to help save some dumbass who didn't leave when told to do so.

#4. If you are in your house that is completely under water, your belongings are probably too far gone for anyone to want them. If someone does want them, let them have them and hopefully they'll die in the filth. Just leave! (It's New Orleans, find a voodoo warrior and put a curse on them.)

#5. My tax money should not pay to rebuild a 2 million dollar house, a sports stadium or a floating casino. Also, my tax money shouldn't go to rebuild a city that is under sea level. You wouldn't build your house on quicksand would you? You want to live below sea-level, do your country some good and join the Navy.

#6. Regardless of what the Poverty Pimps Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton want you to believe, The US Government didn't create the Hurricane as a way to eradicate the black people of New Orleans; (Neither did Russia as a way to destroy America). The US Government didn't cause global warming that caused the hurricane (We've been coming out of an ice age for over a million years).

#7. The government isn't responsible for giving you anything. This is the land of the free and the home of the brave, but you gotta work for what you want. McDonalds and Wal-Mart are always hiring, get a damn job and stop spooning off the people who are actually working for a living. President Kennedy said it best..."Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country." Thank you for allowing me to rant.

Ya Know...

Ya know what really grinds my gears? When you go to a restaurant, and they serve your beverage of choice in a tiny glass that is 2/3 filled with ice. I take one good sip and I need a refill. Rachel and I had dinner at Hard Times Cafe a few weeks ago, and they served my soda in a HUGE plastic cup that must have held a liter of soda. It was great. I didn't need a refill, and the whole way home, all I kept thinking was "Oh I gotta pea, I gotta pea, Im gonna piss myself!!!"

Am I right people?

Funny Video

Check out this video of journalism at it's finest...


TODAY

Bastard!!!

Im posting this pic because Im bitter than Niel beat me at Madden...

Make up your own caption....

Top 10 Foods

I love a good gimick like a food item that has a crazy name. So here are my ten favorite food items that have wacky names.... They are listed in no particular order

1) Pizzalicious Pringles it's just so much fun to say

2) McFood. I love them all the Rib, Griidle, Nugget. They are all good. McTastic!

3) Grape Nuts I don't think the name is intended to be funny, but it makes me giggle. Tee Hee

4 Kool Aid Pink Swimmingo flavor OH Yeah!!!

5) Ben and Jerry's Wavy Gravy If I ever get to name a B&J's ice cream flavor I'm naming mine Elmer Fudge.

6) Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity pancakes Say it out loud as loud as you can, you know you want to

7) Count Chocula Pretty much all I ate from the ages of 6-10 muh ah ah

8) Meatnormous breakfast sandwich The official breakfast sandwich of Dick Cheney

9) Twistarella string cheese. It tastes great and when you're done with it, your fingers sort of smell like feet

10) Snausages I know these aren't people food, but the name is just too cool

Random Shizzle...

Hope everyone had a nice weekend. Everyone except Osama Bin Laden that is...

I found it funny that the US Defense Department said that they had no reason to believe that Osama was among the estimated 40,000 people believed to have died in the earthquake in southern Asia over the weekend. Amazing. Osama has more lives than a damn cat.

Man, has SNL gotten awful. I tuned in Saturday night because that kid from Napolean Dynamite was hosting. It started out pretty funny, with members of the cast dressing up like Napolean, Pedro and Kip claiming to be Jon Heders's college roomates. But after that it was all just downhill. I guess Tina Fey is out on maternity leave, so they had Horatia Sanz fill in for her on Weekend Update, he made Kevin Nealon look good. Man was his delivery bad.
I was reading about Heder on IMDB, and saw he is scheduled to be in a movie called "School of Scoundrels". The movie is written by Scot Armstrong and Todd Phillips, who also wrote Old School, Starsky and Hutch and and Road Trip. Plus the movie has Billy Bob Thornton in it. This movie sounds like it's gonna kick ass!!!

Last night I was playing Madden 2006 online and I got challenged by someone. So I looked at who the challenge came from and I noticed their name had a Canadian Flag next to it. The guy started the game off pretty well. He drove down field and scored a TD. He then paused the game and said something like "Im gonna do this all day long". I was gonna fire back and say something, 1) because I hate trash talk and 2) because he was Canadian and I like fucking with them". BUt then I realized, it's probably some 13 year old kid, so I just continued playing. Well he went on to shank the extra point. Long story short, I went on to destroy him. At one point I scored on three straight possesions, and then on then forced a fumble on the kickoff which I recovered and ran in for a td. I think it was like 34-6 just after the half. I send in the kicking team to attempt the extra point and the jackass keeps sending a guy over the line of scrimmage as soon as I snap the ball he jumps on Mike Vanderjagt in an attempt to break his leg. Of course they call encroachment, so I get to re-attempt the kick. He does the same thing. At this point the guy starts cursing me out. After three atempts at breaking Vangerjagt's leg, he disconnects and leaves. I continued vs the CPU, so I should get credit with the win. Last time I ever play Madden against a crazy canuck.

Man was last nights Yankees game exciting. After the Angels scored two runs off of Shawn Chacon, I thought the game and the Yankees season was over. I started sulking, I turned the gake off for a while. I went to eat some Orea pudding pie, and tuned back in just in time to see the Yankees take the lead. Rachel thought Jorge Posada's slide was the greatest. He slid into home plate with his lead foot very stiff, he hit home plate and his back leg hit the catchers glove which caused him to roll in mid air. I haven't seen such a non graceful dive since Steve Balboni attempted to slide headfirst into 2nd base. He left a divot the size of Rhode Island. THey later filled the divot with water, and let the kids around Yankees Stadium come by to cool down over the summer.

I'm very nervous about game 5 tonight, especially since it's back in LA. I often roll my eyes when I see fans at Dodger games, because they are the typical Los Angeles idiots, eating their sushi, talking on cell phones, wearing really expensive clothing. I have nothing against people eating sushi and dressing nicely, it just doesn't seem right at a baseball game. What? ground hogs anus stuffed into a casing isn't good enough for these people? I was expecting to see a lot of these same people at Angels Stadium, but apparantly Annaheim is where all the rednecks in Los Angelese live. A very "interesting" looking crowd. I have a feeling if last nights game was played in Anaheim, noone would have shown up because they were all watching NASCAR. Lets go Mark Martin and Team Viagra!!!!

The 2nd season of Lost has been pretty awesome so far. I am enjoying watching one episode at a time, and discussing each weeks show with co-workers around the "virtual water cooler". The show has perfected the art of tickling ones ass with a feather. They tell you just enough information, to clue you in on some info, but leave you with more questions that you didn't have before. Awesome show.

Now for some useless info...


1) I make a mean soft taco

2) When the weather turns cooler, nothing is cozier than some Happy Feet.

3) I beat one of the biggest braggerts at my office in fantasy football by like 60 points. On top of being a braggert, he's also an Eagles fan. Hence the reason I beat him so badly. Donavan McNabb and company didn't have such a stellar day.

4) I had a Peter Griffin like monent at work on Friday. It was a co-workers birthday on Friday so we got them a cake. As we were eating it, someone asked what kind of cake it was. Turns out it was German chocolate cake. I responded by saying "that explains my sudden urge to invade Poland". The comment was initially met by some laughs, then I think everyone realized what I had said and it got real quiet. Damn political correctness!!!

5) In honor of the Meatnormous sandwhich at Burger King, I would like to be referred to as M-Normous.

More Fun Pics...

A few more pics from when Niel and Ani visited 2 weeks ago. Good times...

Here's Ani having waaaaay too much fun in a tractor... :-)

What does every great group of adventurers do when they reach the top of a mountain? Why, they act like they are one of the Rockettes of course...

I was very proud of the apple I had found...

Give me steak, lotsa steak lotsa tender juice steak...

This one speaks for itself...

Stewie

Go on...Tell Stewie what to do.

Steve O

Wow, I don't know what Steve O was drinking, but man was he wasted...

STEVE-O