News Years Resolutions

I looked back at my 2004 resolutions and man there was a lot I didn't do. So I will have a jam packed day trying to finish up my list for 2004.

Here's a few items I will be working hard on over the next 12 hours...

1) Impregnate a super model
2) Run with the bulls in Pamplona Spain. Well would running from a neighbors Jack Russel count?
3) Direct and star in an academy award winning film.
4) Design and distribute 1,000 of bobble heads of myself to area children
5) Resurect Kirk Cobain from the dead and get Dave and Krist to jam with us
6) Get J-Lo to dump Mark Anthony and marry Wilford Brimley
7) Challenge Andy Rooney to a duel
8) Get Heidi Klum on a slip and slide


Not to sound like a negative nelly, here's a look back at what I did accomplish in 2004.

1) Poison Dick Clark so Regis could host New Years Rockin Eve
2) Assasinate a lead guitarist of a rock band.
3) Get my scrotum pierced
4) Punch a midget
5) Flick off an old lady
6) Eat more CHIKIN!!!!
7) Find someone to marry Star Jones
8) Get Malcolm Jamal Warner back on TV
9) Fall down a flight of stairs
10) Laugh and point at someone in a wheelchair


Does anyone have J-Lo's cell number?