The Big Game

Please do me a favor. Don't refer to SUPER BOWL as the big game. All week I've heard people asking "what are your plans for the 'big game'?" "Are you gonna watch the 'big game'?" I've had to resist the urge to strange those referring to Super Bowl sunday as the big game. I don't expect a 50 year old women from accounting to understand what the Super Bowl means to red blooded Americans, so I find it easier to over look it when someone like that says it. But when I hear another man refer to the Super Bowl as the big game, I want to slap them silly and hand them a tampon.

So please, if you hear someone say the big game, slap them and tell them M-Unit sent ya!!!

Bubba the Donkey

There once lived an ass named Bubba. He was larger than your average donkey. He was playful, people liked him, he was very cool, but he had two weaknesses. Bubba lied a lot and bubba really liked chasing female donkey tail.

When Bubba started out, his mistruths were small little "white lies". But as Bubba quickly learned, lies grow bigger and bigger, just like his chubby little donkey belly. Bubba got himself in quite a pickle. You see, he was became so good at telling people lies, that he began to forget what was the truth and what were the lies. But it was ok, because Bubba had a nice smile, and when he flashed his big donkey teeth, people forgot all about what he had lied to them about.

So one day Bubba was out running around like donkey's are known to do. He was sitting quietly, chomping on a deep fried, beer battered, carrot. He looked up and saw a pretty, young, wide eyed donkey across the way.

"Hi, my name is Bubba. What's yours?"

"Hey I know you! My momma donkey showed me a picture of you. Are you really my daddy?"

"Why no, I couldn't be your daddy. I spent much of my youth up in Canada, chewing on happy grass."

"Happy grass? What's that?"

"I just happen to have some happy grass over here, would you like some? It wil make you really happy and make you feel really good!"

"Well ok, maybe I'll just try a little"

Chomp, chomp. "Wow you were right, I feel great. This happy grass is amazing. Are you ok, you look sad. Maybe you need some happy grass too"

"Oh, I tried happy grass once, didn't like it. I chewed it for a bit, but spit it out. You're a very perceptive young donkey, I am a little sad today. You see that greything down there between my legs that looks like a carrot? It's very dirty, and I can't reach it with my own mouth to get it clean. Do you think you could lick it for me and make it clean?"

"Well since you gave me this happy grass, I guess I can try to help you out"

Join me net time for the further adventures of Bubba the Donkey!

Celebrities in Trouble

I saw this picture of James Brown from his arrest the other night for smacking his wife around...

Aparantly in addition to being the godfather of soul, he's also the godfather of bath robes.

I also stumbled upon this mug shot of a very youthful looking Kid Rock. He really looks like a kid in this picture.



Oh and dont forget Andre teh Giant. Gentle giant? I think not!!!

Blast from the past

I realize this picture is crappy quality, and it will probably be used as blackmail material in the future. I was cleaning up my hard drive and came across this and it made me giggle. Man have digita cameras come a long way. This was taken back in 1999 on a Sony Mavica. Eugene gets credit for taking the picture. Taken at my old days at ExtraNet. Man was my desk a mess.

If you look closely at my monitor you can see a picture of my co-worker John wearing the same goofy hat.

Homebound

So this is the 2nd day my office has issued "liberal leave" due to the icy weather. I got up and made an attempt this morning, was about 5 miles from home when my cell phone rang. It was my boss. He lives a few miles from me and said to turn around and go home. It had taken me about 30 minutes to go 5 miles from my house. So my usual 30 mile commute to work would have taken hours if I had continued on. It's been so cold here that the ice melt isn't working so there is a thick layer of ice on just about everything. As I was driving this morning, my windshield kept icing over due to the sleet and freezing rain. This is one of the freakiest storms I've ever witnessed. We got about 6 inches of snow sunday night into monday morning and have had freezing rain, snow and sleet off and on for the last 24 hours. More of the same is expected the rest of today.

So I was home, I was bored so what did I do? I grabbed my camera and headed outside of course...

For more pictures check out http://www.pbase.com/squilky/gallery/snowice_storm

Song of the week...

This weeks song of the week is a bit late, so it's actually last weeks song of the week...

This weeks is off of the newish Red Hot Chili Peppers Greatest Hits collection. I believe it's a new track that has not been previously released. The thing about RHCP is that no matter how many different guitarists they have, they still manage to put out great music. Seriously, they have had like 4 or 5 different guitarists. Maybe that's the key to keeping things fresh!? The song is called Fortune Faded. Check it out.

They say in chess you got to kill the queen and then you mate it...
Oh I, Do you?

Superesize This!!!

I read about this guy Morgan Spurlock who just finished a documentary about fast food. For a month straight he ate nothing but McDonalds. At the beginning of his experiment, he was a slender, healthy man. After 30 days of eating McDonalds for breakfast, lunch and dinner he tacked on 30 pounds and had a very unhealthy liver which resembled that of an alcoholics. So think about that the next time your asked to super size your "value meal".

Holy Snowballs Batman!

Holy moley is it snowing outside!!!

Golden Globes...

I actually sat down and watch the Golden Globes. It's snowing outside, so I said what the heck...

Here's a few of my observations

Sarah Ferguson looked like her eye makeup was applied by one of the members of the band KISS

Tyra Banks is freakishly tall

Charlize Theron is the 2nd most beautiful woman in the world. She could show up wearing sweat pants and a ripped t-shirt and still look stunning.

All the shows I like never win. (ie CSI, Monk, The Shield, 24)

If I ever go bald, I hope I look as cool as Ben Kingsley

Merly Streep and Renee Zelwiger are a little bit strange

Keanu Reeves seems to struggle stringing words together to form whole sentences

Many of TV’s leading women have very ordinary looking husbands

Al Pacino is da man, even though he seemed a little out of it.

Joan Rivers is freakishly small

I really want to see Big Fish

Tony Shalhoub was robbed!!

Marg Helgenberger is one happenin’ lady!

Johnny Depp needs to lose those nerdy glasses and that smokey the bear hat.

I love the fact that Jack Black can now show up at awards shows

Diane Keaton has a potty mouth

Jennifer Aniston has lovely “golden globes”

My Favorite Inmate

Check this guy out. My favorite is mugshot # 21 where it looks like he had a nasty run in with a pair of pruning sheers.

I also like this one because the fuzzy hair and crazy sweater makes me think he should be doing commercials selling pudding pops.

Photoshop Fun

I've been learning a lot of neat new stuff in Photoshop. Here's some examples of some photos I've been working on. The collage of me is my best attempt at imitating Andy Warhol. I made one where I have wacky colored hair and lips, but it made me look a little queer, so I'll keep working on that one before sharing it with the world.

Heeeeeere Rover. Heeeere boy!!!!

So NASA says they lost comminication with the Mars rover and hasn't received data in over 24 hours. Is it just that they lost communication with it? Or did angry, little green martians attack our defensless rover? Are they part of Al Quaeda? Are they harvesting weapons of mass destructions? News @ 11!!!!

And don't forget, Andre the Giant has a posse!!!! YAHHHH!!!

A Love Afair Rekindled

I stopped at CVS on the way home from work last night, to get some cold medicine for Rachel. While at the checkout counter, I spotted a Charleston Chew. I had loved them as a kid, so I grabbed one. I got in my car, and had all intentions of waiting till after dinner to eat the candy. Well after about 3 minutes, I said to myself "what the hell, you only live once!" So I ripped open the package and took my first taste. I found that some of my favorite candies as a kid, are way too sweet for me as an adult. This wasn't the case with the Charleston Chew. It tasted as good as I remembered. In short, I may be heading to BJ's tonight to pick up a 5 pound brick of Chews. So good!!! I tried the vanilla last night, I seem to recall that I liked the chocolate as a kid, I'll have to give that one a try as well. I realize that this is probably super boring for anyone reading this, but it was just great.

Pumped up Candidate

That Howard Dean is one fired up guy. Check this out...

YAHHH

Weekend Notes

Damn, it sure was nice having a 3 day weekend. Although the 3 day weekend didn't seem a whole lot longer than the standard 2 day weekend. One of the things I really miss about my old position at Road Runner is having a 3 day weekend every weekend. A lot of the time I would work an extra day just for the overtime which is always nice, and when I was feeling burned out I would take all 3 days off. Also made it convenient when making trips up to NY.

So the new TV arrived on Thursday. Of course the delivery guys show up about 10 minutes after I leave for work. Luckily Rachel had the day off and her brother stopped by so they were home to accept the delivery. I was busting all day at work to get home and test out the new TV. Thursday had to be one of the slowest moving days I can remember. For those of you who plan on getting a rear projection TV in the future, do not freak out when you first turn on the TV. The picture will look really grainy and pixelated. It takes about an hour for the light guns in the back of the TV to get fully charged. Noone had told me that, so I was a little freaked out at first.

Rachel and I joined Netflix a few weeks back, so this weekend we spent a lot of quality time with the new TV in the warmth of the house since it's ridiculously cold. We watched the documentary Bowling for Columbine yesterday. A lot of people think Michael Moore is a buffoon, and that's partially his fault. We've been programmed to think that only people who wear suites and have a snappy hair cut know what they are talking about. Michael Moore is easily 50 pounds overweight, he has a sloppy, shaggy hairdo, he's unshaven and he wears jeans and a baseball cap. So it's hard to take a guy like that seriously, but he makes some REALLY great points about violence in America. There's a section of the documentary where they have about a 30 year timeline of conflicting actions that the Unite States has taken. Like giving weapons to Sadaam Hussein to fight Iran, while Ollie North was secretly helping the Iranians by giving them weapons. So we basically stoking the fire between Iran and Iraq. And believe it or not, these actions were done by Democrats and Republicans alike.

One of the most startling statistics mentioned was that in most major countries such as Canada, Great Britain, Germany, Japan etc they average about 100-200 gun deaths each year. In the US we average around 10,000 gun deaths a year. Michael Moore interviewed several people and noone seemed to have an explanation as to why there is so much more violence in the US. The one thing that sort of made sense was that the media in the US uses scare tactics to make everyone all freaked out and think that they need a gun for protection.

I agree with that 100%. During the whole anthrax in the mail "scare" we had 2 years ago, the media had everyone so scared that people were wearing masks when opening mail, afraid to lick stamps, afraid to open a letter from grandma. In reality way more people have died this year from the flu then they did from anthrax in the mail. The same can be said for the whole SARS "epidemic". They had people so scared, and initially reported that it was an airborne virus. Later on they concluded that it wasn't airborne at all, and they theorized that SARS was passed around by coming in contact with contaminated fecal material. So all those dopes who ran out and bough surgical masks were doing it all for nothing. Well anyway, I highly recommend Bowling for Columbine for those who haven't seen it.

So last night we head over to Rachel's parents house for dinner. Rachel's mom uses to work with a teacher who's husband is in the Marines. They moved from Virginia 3 years ago when her husband got stationed in Argentina. So his 3 years are up and they are moving back to northern VA to work at the Pentagon. When they left Argentina it was 98 degrees and they were swimming in their pool on Christmas day. How horrible must it feel to go from 98 degree weather and then a few days later have temperatures around 0 and wind chills well below zero. Crazy!!! Winter and cold weather suck, no changing my mind on that one.

A womans world...

Michelle Wie, a 14 year old girl playing in a PGA event. Is this fair? Sure doesn't seem so to me. Would it be ok if Tiger Woods said "OK, I've done really well on the PGA tour, so now I think I"ll try to win on the LPGA tour"? Then why is it ok for a girl to play in the PGA? We know Michelle Wie is a great golfer. She's a teenager and she can drive the ball farther than most grown men. There's no question that she's a good golfer. So why does she feel the need to challenge men?

Secondly, why is ok to name the womens tour the LPGA (Ladies Professional Golfers Association)? Shouldn't the PGA be the PMGA (Professional Mens Golfers Association). Of course not, men could never get away with that. It's sexist. If a man tried to change the name of the PGA tour to indicate it was for men only, he would have every feminist group up his ass.

There was no place for Yoko in the Beatles, and there is no place for girls or women on the PGA tour.

Know your enemy....

This next dedication comes from a lovely lady named Murial. She writes:

Dear Safety Harbor Middle School,

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens
luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the
Aged.

All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that
someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten
lady.

My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but before I received mine, she
would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.

The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It
was awful and she was in tears.

She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said fuck you.

Life is good.

Squilky.com Song of the Week

This weeks song is a much different song than last weeks relatively mellow Dave Matthews Band song. It's by a band that I have liked for quite some time. Listening to some of their older stuff really takes me back. I listened to them religiously, especially around their And Out Come The Wolves days. They disapointed me greatly with their late 90's efforts, but have more than made up for it with their newest CD. The song is Born Frustrated the band is Rancid. Listen to song and prepare to rock your ass off for about 3 minutes. After listening to the first verse, I challenge you to restrain yourself from singing along with the rest of the song. It's got a great hook! This isn't a song for the meek. I don't recommend listening to it in the workplace either. The people from acounting don't appreciate when you start moshing with them and dancing on their desk. And the janitor will hate your guts when he has to mop up gallons of water after you try to do a keg stand on the water cooler. This isn't a song you listen to with the volume on 3. You crank the sound up, you play air guitar and you'll rock your collective asses off. J-LO are you listening?

Is it you?
Is it you they've orchestrated?
Is it you?
Is it you who's born frustrated?
Hey-Hey-Hey!!! Is it you?
Hey-Hey-Hey!!! Is it you????"

Celebrity Dish...

Some celebrity news I heard today that I thought was interesting. Perhaps some of you already know this and this is old news, but oh well. Nicole Richie is NOT the biological daughter of LIonel Richie. The drummer in Lionels band (who turns out to be Sheila E's brother) had a little girl, he split with Nicoles mom and Lionel adopted Nicole when she was 3.

I've pulled a Clemens

I've changed my mind and will be unretiring. I will be re-retiring in about 30-40 years.

Retirement

I woke up yesterday and decided I had worked long enough. I'm 338 months old and certainly not getting any younger. Therefore, I have decided to retire.

It's coming on Thursday...

Some exciting news coming on Thursday of this week. Pictures to hopefully follow...

Been sorta bummed out lately. Photography has been my hobby for the past few years. With the cold weather lately, I haven't been able to use my camera much at all.Plus just in general I am feeling the lack of creativity.

Saw an interesting movie over the weekend called Bully. I think the movie is a few years old. I rented it through Netflix. It's the story of these white, stoner teenagers from Floriday who plot to kill a childhood bully. Sort of a sureal kind of movie. Makes you realize how young and impressionable teens can be. I recommend the movie to anyone who hasn't seen it yet.

Was listening to Howard Stern on the drive into work this morning. His sidekick Robin threw a surprise birthday party for him over the weekend. What I found amazing was that Howard turned 50. I've been listening to him since I was in high school, and I've definitly seen a dramatic change in his behavior throughout the years. I feel sorry for him in a way. I really think he is one of the most misunderstood people in entertainment. He used to be a lot more in your face and at times pompous and obnoxious. Now as he's gotten older he's less likely to yell and chastise someone. Like many other people, he's is growing wiser and seeing his mistakes in the past.

A lot of people tend to base their opinion of him based on what they have heard from others. You ask a lot of people if they listen to Howard Stern and you'll typically get two responses. An enthusiatsic yes or a no followed by how disgusting they think he is. I think if everyone listened to his show for a week, they would have a very different opinion of him.

Just my $.02...

My name is...

I've decided that in 2004 I would like to be referred to as M-Unit. But don't always call me that. When you see me, you can call me Mike, but when you make referrence to me refer to me as M-Unit. ie "Damn, did you see M-Unit break the mail room guys nose in that inter office basketball game?" or "I hear M-Unit has a gambling problem". But remember, when you see me just call me Mike. If you call me M-Unit to my face, you'll wind up like the little bitch in the mail room.

I've also decided to refer to myself as M-Unit when talking about myself in the 3rd person. ie "I think M-Unit needs a vacation." or "M-Unit is a misunderstood individual."

Thank you, I love you all!!!

My name is...

I've decided that in 2004 I would like to be referred to as M-Unit. But don't always call me that. When you see me, you can call me Mike, but when you make referrence to me refer to me as M-Unit. ie "Damn, did you see M-Unit break the mail room guys nose in that inter office basketball game?" or "I hear M-Unit has a gambling problem". But remember, when you see me just call me Mike. If you call me M-Unit to my face, you'll wind up like the little bitch in the mail room.

I've also decided to refer to myself as M-Unit when talking about myself in the 3rd person. ie "I think M-Unit needs a vacation." or "M-Unit is a misunderstood individual."

Thank you, I love you all!!!

Downtown Sylvia Brown...

When I was home during the holidays, I was flipping through the channels one morning and there was this older woman on Montel Williams show (who knew Montel still had a show). She's this psychic woman who has a deeper voice than most men, sounds like she's smoked 3 packs a day for the past 40 years. People in the audience ask her questions, not questions like you would hear on a gameshow, questions about dead loved ones, family members health and things along those lines.




The thing that cracks me up about Sylvia is that she answers the questions with such certainty. One woman got up and explained that she has had skin problems for 10 years and had seen several doctors and none of them could figure out what was causing her skin to break out. Within seconds, Sylia said "WHEAT!" and the woman in the audience looked sort of puzzled and said "Wheat!?" "YES! You can't eat wheat. Avoid all wheat for a week, then eat a slice of toast and see what happens"

I haven't been this entertained by a psychic since the good old days of the Psychic to the Stars, Kenny Kingston. Sylvia isn't flamboyantly gay like Kenny, and she doesn't wear a bad toupe like Kenny, but I'm strangly intrigued by her. Do I believe she has psychic capabilities? No.

Song of the Week

This weeks Squilky.com song of the week is Grey Street by the Dave Matthews Band. Check it out. Take your worst day, and the woman in this songs day is 10X's worse. Dave Matthews is one of the song writers who's words really hit me. A lot of songs don't make a lot of sense to me, his often have an impact on me. Plus I admire people who can sing and play guitar at the same time. He does both quite well.

There are a few versions of the song floating around. The version I like the best is a live acoustic version. There's another good version off the Central Park Concert DVD, but there is a lot of saxaphone in it which kind of gives more of a jazzy feel to the song. The acoustic version is just so sad.

"There's a loneliness inside her, and she'd do anything to fill it in... and though its red blood bleeding from her now, it feels like cold blue ice in her heart..."

Booyah!!!!

It's December 3rd and it was 70 degrees out. I spent the afternoon playing golf. What better than crushing a drive 250 yards down the fairway? Crushing a drive 250 yards down the fairway when there are people freezing their asses off in other parts of the country. I get home and there is a double header of NFL football on. Life is sweet, if you're a youngish man who enjoys warm weather, golf, football and THOSE TWIIIINS!!!

The forecast for Tuesday night is for 15 degrees and breezy. That is gonna suck.

A look back...

On the 2nd day of 2004, I would like to look back at some of the things I managed to accomplish in 2003.

The biggest news of 2003 for me was getting married. If you had asked me several years ago if I would ever get married, the answer would have been no. I nver saw myself the marrying kind of person. I never thought I could find one person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Well that all changed when I met Rachel. When you find the most loving, caring, thoughful woman in the world, you can't let that get away. Throw in the fact that her and I are like two peas in a pod, and it's a no brainer.

The rest of my occomplishments of 2003 are very minor when compared with marriage.

1) got to swing on a zipline
2) road through a haunted corn maze
3) got to drive an ATV over rocky, hilly, sandy terrain
4) got to swim in the Carribean
5) saw a naked sunbather on the beach
6) fed a donut to a pelican
7) saw a buck toothed llama
8) drove to the top of Pikes Peak (over 15,000 feet above see level)

Things I would like to accomplish in 2004

1) Make a sex video with Paris Hilton and/or the Olson twins
2) Regain my title of Worlds Strongest Man
3) Sing a duet in Spanish with Shakira!
4) Get me a 5.8 liter HEMI !!!
5) Grow a mullet
6) Get my iPOD song count up to over 2500 songs
7) Slap Edgar Martinez and/or Vern from Trading Spaces
8) Make a guest appearance on the Osbournes
9) Burp the Greek alphabet
10) Win the mixed doubles US Open title with partner Anna Kornikova
11) Drive a golf ball 300 yards
12) Beat my nephew in Playstation 2 basketball
13) Befriend an Eskimo
14) Steal a college mascot
15) Give someone a really good scare
16) Travel to a state I've never been before
17) Market the Tickle Me Al Roker doll and make it the #1 toy of the 2004 Holiday Season
18) Make sure Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey never host anything again
19) Challenge Greg Brady to a boxing match
20) Take a picture of a naked stranger
21) Develop an all natural alternative to Viagra
22) Fly a kite
23) Tip a cow
24) baked the worlds most delicious cookie, eat that cookie and never bake that kind of cookie again.
25) Start a letter writing campaign to bring back Battle of the Network Stars
26) Make George Michael's Sports Machine plays of the month
27) Eat more chicken
28) Start a cult
29) Convince Mattel to make a bobble head of me
30) Sing karaoke with Kenny Blankenshemp
31) Teach my almost 2 year old nephew Andrew to chant "LETS GO YANKEES!!!"
32) Tickle a stranger
33) Show up to a graduation party of someone I never met before
34) Learn to mambo
35) Wear a thong

I hope everyone builds on their success of 2003 and has an even better 2004. Oh yeah and join me in my quest to tickle a stranger!!!