Battle of the network dorks
So last night I'm browsing through the Tivo suggestions and one of the shocased programs was Battle of the Network Stars. I quickly tuned into it since it was one of my favorite shows growing up.
The first thing that really struck me was how horrible a toupe Howard Kosel had on. I guess you don't notice those things when you're a kid. Secondly, his broadcasting partner was Billy Crystal. He was much younger and A LOT thinner, freakishly thin actually. I swear he probably weighed like 110 pounds.
The first event was a swimming race. The first thing that freaked me a bit was that all the men were wearing Speedos. And I mean EVERY man was wearing a Speedo. Including Dick Van Patten and Ed Asner. Ed Asner is one of the harriest men on the planet, so him without a shirt is bad enough, but him in a Speedo was just horrible. The women all had on these weird one piece bathing suites that didn't really accentuate the female form. Most of the women looked like they had giant butter churning hips and were flatchested. Ahh the days before rampant plastic surgery and silcione.
Willie Ames, yes Buddy from Charles in Charge is one hell of a swimmer. He swam the first leg of the race and had a half a pool length lead. He was amazing. Christy McNichol (who played his siter on Eight is Enough I think) was also a good swimmer.
One of the odder moments was when they introduced Howard Kosell's 2nd assistant. It turned out to be that cheesy ass robot from Buck Rogers. I think his name was Tweeky or something. They may have had a tin garbage can out there. Special effects sure have come a long way.
I guess back in the 70's, equal rights wasn't what it was now. Steve Garvey read the rules for the dunk tank and improvised by saying something like "Some of the girls may not be able to throw hard enough to sink the dunk tank". It turned out to be true, but if a man were to say that nowadays he would be verbally castrated by the media.
I finally had enough after I saw Ed Asner get sunk in the dunk tank. After I turned it off, I tried to imagine how great it would be if they brought the Battle of the Network Stars back on the air. Wouldn't it be great to see the cast of Friends in an obstacle course competition with the cast of Everybody Loves Raymond? Who wouldn't want to see Jennifer Aniston on the monkey bars? Who wouldn't love to see Patricia Heaton get dunked in the dunk tank? Who wouldn't kill to see Brad Garret try to paddle across a pool in an inflatable kayak? I just couldn't image these multi millionaires putting themselves through the humiliation, but I would love to see it. If any network executives stumble across this, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make this happen. And TV Execs don't forget the cast of Malcolm in the Middle and Will & Grace.
The first thing that really struck me was how horrible a toupe Howard Kosel had on. I guess you don't notice those things when you're a kid. Secondly, his broadcasting partner was Billy Crystal. He was much younger and A LOT thinner, freakishly thin actually. I swear he probably weighed like 110 pounds.
The first event was a swimming race. The first thing that freaked me a bit was that all the men were wearing Speedos. And I mean EVERY man was wearing a Speedo. Including Dick Van Patten and Ed Asner. Ed Asner is one of the harriest men on the planet, so him without a shirt is bad enough, but him in a Speedo was just horrible. The women all had on these weird one piece bathing suites that didn't really accentuate the female form. Most of the women looked like they had giant butter churning hips and were flatchested. Ahh the days before rampant plastic surgery and silcione.
Willie Ames, yes Buddy from Charles in Charge is one hell of a swimmer. He swam the first leg of the race and had a half a pool length lead. He was amazing. Christy McNichol (who played his siter on Eight is Enough I think) was also a good swimmer.
One of the odder moments was when they introduced Howard Kosell's 2nd assistant. It turned out to be that cheesy ass robot from Buck Rogers. I think his name was Tweeky or something. They may have had a tin garbage can out there. Special effects sure have come a long way.
I guess back in the 70's, equal rights wasn't what it was now. Steve Garvey read the rules for the dunk tank and improvised by saying something like "Some of the girls may not be able to throw hard enough to sink the dunk tank". It turned out to be true, but if a man were to say that nowadays he would be verbally castrated by the media.
I finally had enough after I saw Ed Asner get sunk in the dunk tank. After I turned it off, I tried to imagine how great it would be if they brought the Battle of the Network Stars back on the air. Wouldn't it be great to see the cast of Friends in an obstacle course competition with the cast of Everybody Loves Raymond? Who wouldn't want to see Jennifer Aniston on the monkey bars? Who wouldn't love to see Patricia Heaton get dunked in the dunk tank? Who wouldn't kill to see Brad Garret try to paddle across a pool in an inflatable kayak? I just couldn't image these multi millionaires putting themselves through the humiliation, but I would love to see it. If any network executives stumble across this, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make this happen. And TV Execs don't forget the cast of Malcolm in the Middle and Will & Grace.
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